


How Can The Darkness Feel So Wrong?

by Synnerxx



Series: Tumblr Prompts [151]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Blood, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Child Loss, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Stabbing, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2019-05-13 02:42:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: Dean punishes himself for the loss of his baby.





	How Can The Darkness Feel So Wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: Ambreigns, Roman catches Dean trying to self-harm after the loss of the baby.

He’s drunk again. He knows and he doesn’t care. It hurts less when he’s drunk. He’s leaning against the kitchen counter, a bottle of vodka next to him. He’s eyeing the knives in the drawer, thoughts chasing each other around his brain. 

_There’s something wrong inside of you._

_You lost the baby._

_You need to make it right._

_Get rid of what’s inside of you that made you lose the baby._

_Cut it out._

_You deserve the pain._

_Cut it out._

_You lost the baby._

_This is what you deserve._

_CUT IT OUT!_

There’s a knife in his hand and blood dripping from his stomach. Pain burns through him, but he welcomes it, dropping to his knees, pushing the knife into his stomach again. Blood flows, hot and wet, over his hand. He drops the knife, sagging back against the bottom cabinets. 

The front door opens and Roman calls out his name, but Dean doesn’t answer, hands pressed to his belly as he prods at the wounds. He’s got to get it out. The pain is searing now, but he doesn’t care. He’s got to get it out. 

Roman’s voice gets closer and Dean forces his slugging fingers to dig harder and faster. He needs it out before Roman gets to him. Roman will make him stop. More blood spills over his fingers and he gasps, but he has to get it out. 

Roman’s shout from the entryway has him pausing and looking up at Roman, who’s dropping down next to him, one hand already dialing a number on his phone. Dean can hear him talking frantically to someone while grabbing a dish towel and pressing it onto Dean’s wounds, trying to stop the bleeding. 

Dean looks up at Roman and shakily reaches out to touch his cheek, leaving a smear of blood across it. “I’m sorry.”

Roman drops his phone and grabs Dean’s hand, clutching it tightly. “You have nothing to be sorry for, baby boy, but why did you do this?”

“Had to get it out.” Dean mumbles, slurring. He’s going to pass out soon. He can feel it.

Dean sinks into the darkness as Roman holds onto him, praying to whatever god or goddess is willing to listen to spare Dean.

When Dean wakes up again, he’s in a hospital room and a heart monitor beeps softly beside him. Roman and Seth are in the chairs on either side of his bed, talking quietly to each other. 

“…seventy two hour lockdown. He has to do it.” Roman is saying.

“Was it really a suicide attempt though?” Seth asks, worry in his voice.

“I don’t know. He kept saying he had to get it out, that he…it lost the baby.” Roman says with a soft sigh, voice catching slightly.

Seth blows out a breath. “I don’t know how to help him through this." 

"I don’t either, but we’ve got to do something or we’re going to lose him. I was so fucking terrified when I found him laying in a pool of blood.”

Dean chooses that moment to make them aware that he’s awake. He shifts on the bed and instantly, they’re leaning over him, worried eyes fixed on his face.

“Hey.” He says, voice hoarse and raspier than usual.

“Hey? That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Roman snaps, sitting back down.

“What do you want me to say? I was drunk and in a bad place. Shit happened.” Dean grumbles. It’s not the first time they’ve had this argument. It’s not usually this bad though.

“Dean, what were you thinking?” Seth pushes Dean’s curls off of his forehead. 

“Nothing.” Dean says after a beat of silence between them.

“Well, if you won’t tell us, you can tell a psychiatrist. They’re keeping you on a seventy-two hour lockdown in the psych ward.” Roman grumbles, but he’s still holding onto Dean’s hand.

“No.” Dean says, looking between the two of them. 

“You don’t have a choice, Dean. It might help.” Seth says, kissing Dean’s cheek.

————–

When they pick Dean up later that week, he’s quiet and withdrawn. 

“How did it go?” Seth asks as he drives back home, Dean curled in the backseat, Roman with him. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Dean mumbles, hunching in on himself. 

“Okay. How do you feel?” Roman tries, reaching out to Dean.

Dean shoves his hand away. “Like I don’t want to fucking talk.”

Seth and Roman exchange irritated looks in the rearview mirror.

“Dean, we just want to help. We lost the baby too. Please don’t shut us out.” Seth tries again as he pulls into the driveway.

Dean tenses. “I know. Stop reminding me. I know it’s my fault and I know you’re hurting because of me and my fuck ups, but I really, really want to stop talking about it.”

“Dean, we don’t blame you. It’s not your fault. We just want to help and get through this together.” Seth crawls into the backseat, pushing Dean into the middle between him and Roman. 

Dean tenses even more before he breaks, a gasp leaving his mouth as he begins to sob, tears running down his face as he hunches over, burying his face in his hands.

Seth and Roman are taken aback before they’re holding onto Dean, stroking his back and murmuring words of comfort to him. 

Dean eventually quiets, wiping his face off and looking up at them through bloodshot eyes. Seth cups his face in his hands and kisses him fiercely. He doesn’t know if this is what Dean needs, but he has to make Dean understand how much he loves him. The kiss is barely over before Roman is turning Dean and kissing him just as deeply. 

“We love you. Okay. We’re going to get through this. Yes, it’s going to be hard and yes, it’s going to hurt, but you can’t take it out on yourself like that, okay, baby boy?” Roman kisses Dean’s cheek. 

“I’m sorry you had to find me like that.” Dean lowers his eyes. 

“Please, please just talk to us when you feel like that. Or someone. Anyone. But please, don’t do it again. We can’t lose you.” Seth says, squeezing Dean’s hand. 

“I’ll try. I’ll be better.” Dean manages a weak smile.

“We’ll be there for you. Every step of the way.” Roman promises before opening the door and letting them out of the car.

They make their way into the house and Dean avoids the kitchen for now, a shiver going through him. 

Seth leads him into the living room, curling up on the couch with him as Roman joins them, tossing a blanket over them. 

It’ll take time, but things will get better. They can’t believe anything else.


End file.
